


You Are Worth More

by LoveMeThatsAllIAskOfYou



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Love, M/M, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2019-01-01 00:00:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12144003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveMeThatsAllIAskOfYou/pseuds/LoveMeThatsAllIAskOfYou
Summary: Alec just needs a pen to sign his mission report.  He finds something while searching Magnus' desk that reminds Alec that Magnus hasn't always been confident.  Everyone has insecurities.  Everyone hurts.





	You Are Worth More

**Author's Note:**

> The poem in this story is mine. When I can't sleep at night, I write what is on my mind. I was having a particularly hard time a few years ago when I wrote that poem. 
> 
> I know if Magnus were to write poetry it would be better, but I felt it might make sense that he cared more about the words than how poetic it was. And that is how I felt writing it. I don't share my poetry often so please, try to be nice :) 
> 
> Thanks for reading.

Alec just wanted a pen. He got home late from a mission and wanted to finish the report before going to bed. All he had left to do was sign it, but he couldn't find a damn pen. How did Magnus find anything on his desk? For a man put together, his desk was a disaster. Alec's desk at the Institute was meticulous. He knew exactly where every file could be located. As he shifted papers on the desk, one fell to the floor from a book he moved. Alec knelt down to pick it up and saw Magnus' beautiful penmanship. It looked like poetry. Alec didn't know Magnus' wrote poetry. 

_We started to break._  
_The house I built for us crumbled ___  
_Windows shattered ___  
_Foundation cracked ___  
_Panic enters my body_  
_I have been patching up the walls_  
_Each crack, a new bandage_  
_Too much,_  
_Too fast,_  
_Can’t keep up._

_Save me_  
_I’m all alone_  
_I can’t see through the smog_  
_Fires can’t be put out._  
_I can’t breathe_  
_Help me._  
_I forgot how to do this on my own._

 _Don’t leave me here_  
_I don’t know why I’m not enough_  
_Why am I never enough?_  
_I’m worthless metal when you wanted diamonds_  
_You wanted gold_  
_You want the finest, but you received me_  
_Flashy to the eye only broken inside_

This was a side of Magnus that Alec had yet to see. He had seen glimmers of vulnerability over the course of the relationship. How could someone not love Magnus? How could someone not see his value? The more troubling thought was how Magnus didn't see his own worth. 

_I don't know how to be gold_  
_Please, just tell me._  
_Love me_  
_Choose me._  
_Tell me I am worth it_  
_Mold me to suit your desires_  
_I'll bend to your whim_  
_Make me unbreakable,_  
_Find my value._  
_Remove my flaws_

 _It’s getting harder to breathe_  
_I forgot how to be on my own_  
_The voices in my head aim to destroy_  
_Choose me_  
_I don't want to be alone_  
_I'm afraid of myself_

 _Please... just love me_  
_Why won't someone love me?_

Alec put the paper down. He wondered if Magnus still felt this way. There was no date to indicate when this was written. Magnus always seemed happy. Logically, Alec knew that no one could be happy all the time. Every person has insecurities. Now that he knew how sad Magnus felt made Alec's heart break into pieces inside his chest.

Alec made his way to the bedroom; the need for a pen forgotten. Magnus was asleep in their bed. Alec thought Magnus looked the most beautiful when he was asleep. He got the see the man underneath the flashy clothes and glitter. Alec loved all of Magnus' looks, but this one was only privy to him. That made it more special. 

He couldn't take it anymore, Alec needed to hold Magnus. He wasn't sure if he could maneuver his boyfriend without waking him up, but that was a risk he needed to take. Alec slipped under the covers and pulled Magnus from the cocoon he made of blankets. 

Magnus started at the movement. 

"Alexander?" 

"Yes, who else would it be?" Alec teased. 

"Someone who understands my need for beauty sleep." 

Alec chuckled. Magnus was one of a kind. 

"I'm sorry, I just felt the need to hold my gorgeous boyfriend." 

Once Magnus settled into his new position atop Alec's chest, he sighed comfortably. 

"You are lucky you are so cute and comfortable. Others have died for less." 

Alec leaned to kiss the top of Magnus' head. 

"I love you, Magnus. I hope you know that." 

Magnus glanced up at him showing his true eyes. 

"I know, and I love you. Is there something wrong, angel?" 

Alec nodded, "I found something you wrote. It fell from a notebook. In hindsight, I shouldn't have read it, but I wanted to let you know someone loves you. Your words broke my heart. You are worth more than gold, Magnus. Your life is worth more than any material object. Never forget that."

Magnus stilled in his arms the responded, 

"I used to keep a journal under the pillow on your side of the bed before you occupied it. I would write in it when I couldn't sleep. What you read was... how I felt when Camille cheated. I didn't have much self-worth back then, Ragnor tried to console me. She never loved me and I gave my all to her. I apologize for the melodramatic words. It must resemble young girls attempt at poetry." 

Alec held onto Magnus tighter as the older man's voice strained while he spoke. He wanted to put his boyfriend's mind at ease. 

"Magnus, don't be ashamed of your words. I'm just sad you felt that way in the first place. I hope you never change for me. You can change for you, but never to please me. I love you the way you are. I chose you, flaws and all." 

The warlock let out a wet chuckle. 

"You may not be a man of many words, but you always have the right ones when it counts. Alexander, you have no idea how you've enriched my life. I love you." 

"I love you too. Now, go back to sleep. Let me hold you for a while. I'm not going anywhere." 

Alec's fingers carded through Magnus' hair. The texture softer without all the product. There was something relaxing about the feeling of Magnus' hair as it slipped through space between of his fingers. He knew that he should sign the report from his earlier mission and be done with it. He was known to have them passed in within four hours of the mission, but he couldn't tear himself away. Alec held on to his boyfriend in hopes he could fix every piece someone broke. 

Alec may not be immortal, but he was going to make sure the love he had for Magnus would keep the warlock's heart whole forever.


End file.
